Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Day 12 & 13

Day 12
You all saw what happend yesterday. I saw how I was logged out by an administrator, it then said I have to wait one hour before trying to login again. And then my account was disabled. Disabled = Ban = Death. Boy disappeared from search and groups altogether.

You can't imagine how I felt. I was completely under shock. Someone posted a link to Darien's blog where something similar happend. I searched in Google and forums. This happend so many times. I was really shaking in RL, the whole day. This is not something funny, a small mistake, something one takes lighthearted. Boy is me and I am Boy. For one year. Tomorrow is my rezzday. And Boy was killed.

I can not thank my dear friend Summer Seale enough. She provided some comfort via email, some hope. She contacted the Lindens to get help. Still I was on the edge and felt terribly helpless. Everything was gone. Was all lost? I had to wait till 9am when they start working and I got a normal number I coud call as I am unable to call US toll free numbers internationally. I finally got one lady talking to me. Something was wrong with the account. She did several checks, after 10 minutes all could be fixed and Boy came back to life. Slowly. Hurt. Disturbed. Under shock. That is in RL.

I realized one thing. There is so much more than silly games, stupid backstabbing, fighting, powerplay in groups. It is not worth to waste time with that. I said that before, it is all about people. Only about people. All the rest is nice eyecandy. And I learned it one more time the hard way.

I'm proud and happy to have dear friends who care, who are concerend, Who do not put themselves first but are there and help others. I am sorry if I hurt you. It was not my intention. All this will end here in a while. For now B-9140 returned, my sentence is still long and I will not chicken out. Boy inside did not die, but found something very important out for herself. Be there for others and others will be there for you.

Day 13
B-9140 got the first time during her punishment no extension of her sentence. I am very careful now. I am hiding from contacts, from people who may accidentially bump into me. It is at a point where isolation starts working for me. Before it was a game, not intense enough. But I got hit hard. Things have changed. I have still 160 long hours to go and so I will. I hope my banishment and isolation will have the desired effect, to break me down, to open my mind, to see the really important things. I got pushed further into that direction than I wanted and expected.

I miss some people terribly especially after all what happend. That is all my dear close friends, you know who you are. And that is foremost Coventina and Mychelle. You are so important for me. I hope you will be there for me when I will be released. I love you! I need you!

Boy inside B-9140


Arlan Nightfire said...

Really glad to hear things have worked out for you. You're so right about what's important.

Iced Berg said...

I feel badly for having been so angry and aggressive lately... when one is in pain, one seldom makes the most sensible choices.

Mitzy said...

I never knew you before your banishment, but I feel like I do now.

Good luck on your path, may it bring all that you seek and need.

I was released yesterday after 225 hours in banishment, and it feels strange to be out.

At first I was overwhelmed with choices and my ability to do anything I cared to do.

Be prepared for a period of adjustment when you do get out.

(aka M-8722)

Boy Lane said...

Congrats dear, that was a long long time. I still have 150 hours to go. Crazy me to rack up so much time. You never know what may happen and I would not have done such silly thing again. Hope others read that *smile*