Friday, April 25, 2008

Day 7 again

Today was the thoughest day of all. My custodian crashed. Thank you SL! That really sucked. I was able to communicate, even to access my inventory, still I was stuck and could not move at all.

I was completely out of order. As was L-7799 who I saw blowing up her banesuit. It went all red. As it happend to me before. But she could cope with it (at least thats how it looked like). Engineer Barrett took care of us, it must have looked strange in the eyes of other banes. Please don't feel disturbed. These were only some minor technical glitches. Dr.Kelley was finally able to isolate the problems and reinstated us and our custodians.

I got a new Banesuit, the old one was beyond repair. Thats the 3rd time. I should know how it works now.

I don't know how L-7799 feels. I know that S-7896 is with me in her thoughts although we never met outside of this. Thank you sweetie.

I feel safe to be isolated again, it protects me. I must have racked up a huge amount of time only for violations today. I am crazy. I am lucky I can take things as they are.

[2008/04/23 19:36] Boy Lane: I dont want out
[2008/04/23 19:41] Operator: eudaemonic bane
[2008/04/23 19:41] Boy Lane smiles
[2008/04/23 19:41] Operator: suit depenadent

Is that what they call banesuit dependent? I don't know. But I know I will be a bane for a long time to come now.


Spikey said...

Wow, I'm sorry your Eudeamon died, B-9140. :( I don't know what would be worse... not having Eudeamon bless you or having her bless you, then never coming again. :( My heart bleeds for you, B-9140. My sentence is nearing its end, hopefully, with 4 hours remaining. Unlike you, I want out of the suit, and want to try to return to a normal life. I wish you the best though... no matter what happens.

Iced Berg said...

I hope you have happiness in yourself, because at this moment it feels like I will never be able to share a happy moment - or a sad one - with you again.

God, this hurts. It hurts to see somebody vital and outgoing turn herself into an uncommunicative solipsist.

Marine, if you are listening to this, I am begging you to pull the plug on this whole project. I am very angry and hurt by this. This Bane thing is hurting people. It's hurting everybody who cares about one of the people who puts herself or himself into Banishment. Every time I see Boy in my friends list and know that she's not going to respond to me because she's too involved in this stupid FANTASY to be part of real people's lives is a knife in my heart. It's one thing to have isolation as a short term thing with a definite end. It's VERY MUCH another for people to unilaterally rip themselves out of other people's lives for a hollow lie of a stupid fantasy based on some internet novella!

-- Katie (Constance Recreant)

Boy Lane said...


Live and let live. Please. Isn't this all about fantasy? Things we can not have in this form in RL? Our secrets, our kinks, our dreams? For me this is not a game, it is something I can not have in my first life. I enjoyed it, I loved it. You are right, it is all about the people, the interaction. All the rest is just eyecandy. But nice eyecandy. I tried to do so much for people. Likeminded people as I thought. Almost seven months with the latex dolls. What is left in the end? Nothing. Emptiness. I was hurt badly. I am bitter. I am alone.

I was two times close to quit SL completely. I can not be the "vital outgoing" person I was anymore. Not in the moment. That has nothing to do with the banishment. I did not quit SL, instead I chose my own isolation, I don't want to talk to all of you out there. Not now. I need a rest, I need a quiet time. I need to find my center.

I know you care, I know many others do, I know I may hurt my friends and the ones I love. But this is now all about me. I put my own interests aside for too long. Now I want this for myself. I am grateful that I can be banished, that I can not communicate in any form, that I get my peace with myself and I thank Marine for it.

Please don't worry about me. I am perfectly ok, it is in no way abuse, all is SSC. I had more roleplay here in one week than in months with the dolls. I feel protected and I feel safe. And I enjoy it, it's the small things... I am still here, in SL. My banishment will end sooner or later. I don't really want to know when but I can see my timer. And I hope you will all still be there for me when I am ready.

*hugs you tightly*

Iced Berg said...

I'm sorry... I know I shouldn't worry... I just feel like I am in a place where I am more alone than I have ever been in my entire life. I am naturally an outgoing and open person so to have to carry a secret like this until the right time weighs hard on me, and to have one of my friends who knows what I am dealing with disappear on me makes me feel more alone.

I am already hurt and isolated at work. One of my coworkers is going out of her way to make me feel unwelcome and alone and I am at my wits' end on that front. And that kind of abuse - even while I'm in the closet as a trans person - is making me very nervous and upset about the possibility of actually coming out at work. I'm sorry, I was out of line... my emotions have been on such high edge over the last while that I overreacted.

I'm sorry you felt empty and alone. It sucks more than anything else I can imagine to feel like you have nothing but abuse to look forward to.